i refuse to write another entry until i get a comment. my only joy in writing in this right now is comments so this is the last one i am broken. completely and totally broken. my stomach sinks my chest hurts, physically when i think about the situation i am in. i am in love with him, and he says something is missing. all i want is to be able to have his arms around me but every time that i have that it just makes the situation worse. he doesnt want things to end, but he wants to take a break and then maybe whatevers missing will come back. it hurts so much to feel something for somebody and not have the feeling felt back. i just want to have fun, i just want things to go back to how they were in december, january in the beginning, maybe do a few things different, and i wouldnt be in this situation. i have never felt so hurt about anything before. its just, trying to ignore the pain that i could constantly feel is all i can do, but that sucks, because i know whats going on. i hurt. he still has feelings for me. of course he does, how could he do the things he does and say the things he says without feelings? he has never been like this, this is not him. what happened to him? i dont understand why things have to go like this. i just want him back how he was and things back how they were. this year has been a disaster. i thought things were getting better, they didn't. i dont need this now, i cant have this now. he's needed right now. i'm having so much trouble with everything. this constant feeling of pain just makes me wish i was dead. its so horrible, i cant i just cant get over it. i dont have to be over it, i just need time, time could fix everything or make everything worse, its so hard to say. i just want things to get better..with everything, i want everything to get better. make the end of this year significantly better then the rest of it. i dont know how that could work out, but its all i really want.