i am not okay with this. i always laugh but its not cool at all. i feel so uncreative, i feel like i couldnt write anything worth reading. no intellectual thoughts, no creative lines, i feel nothing of that sort coming to me. i am lost in math, formulas and equations...i studied too much, i want to repeat them to myself over and over again. and diana, i love her, more then anything in the world. she is the top of my list. she is my everything. i dont think she knows just how much she means to me. and whenever i think of her state it gives me a sick feeling, i dont know what she could be doing right now, while i am writing this, who knows what she is doing? it also brings back a feeling of pleasure i got from it. i have nostalgia, nostalgia for IT. i dont want to want this. i dont need all these bas habits entered back into my life. but its unintentional influence. i see it, remember it, and remember how it used to make me feel. today was very good though. it felt happy, a happy vibe i havent felt in a very long time. i really like that girl, sunny. she's trippindicular is all i can say. tomorrow the ianspartydidntworkbutthisonewill.com party is on. my mom is leaving town at 5 o' clock in the morning tomorrow, friday, may 28th, first day of the strawberry festival. i feel happy but i keep thinking about diana, and what she might be doing right now, and then i feel sick. i think i may puke. this can't be good.