I've just realized that for how long i FEEL like i've had this journal. i have barely any entries. and for how long i have had it too. i feel like its been forever since naproxenslut days. but really i had that journal in february. i have forgotten. so i guess i will start writing once a day again..if i can get myself up to do such things. i guess it really doesnt matter much..but i really do like remembering. what has been going on is hardly what i might call something, but not nearly enough less of that to be called nothing. i dont really know what i am saying. i freak out at every little motion, movement, that could mean something which is nothing in my case. i shouldnt be so worried all the time, relaxationis the key. i am so scared of our unsteadyness. we arent solid anymore..its like a moment of unhappyness can cause a break. a break that i dont want. or maybe not. maybe this is all my overanalyzation of every movement made. i let myself play off of one thing to another and asked to be reassured every second i get the chance. all i want is toknow again. i want to be contradicted in my beliefs. and how is he doing with that? not too well. the summer is comming, and so is the strawberry festival. the festival of strawberries...along with that of course comes my mom going out of town, a party, drinking, and mexican bingo.... i hope, i hope, i hope. i just want it to work out. the start of my good last year was next weekend. this year i want it to be that too. the way i talk is in general, and specific as well.. i could mix up words together and i could imagine them floating around in my head wondering what mix-up they will come in next. i can make it sound good, i can make things sound like they mean something. and i think they do..they come from my subconscious mind. they dont come from nowhere. they have to mean something. but figuring out words that come from your own axons can be slightly hard to do...