i am addicted to carmex. i keep having hallucinations.. i think that would be the appropriate word..its either..the floor is jumping at me, almost like it is trying to literally grasp me..grab me and pull me down to it. or the room is tilted to the right..and i feel like i am sliding off my chair.. but the weirdest one is when im holding my mouse and i doze off or something and somehow for a second i truly see and believe that my hand is like twisted backwards and around and upside down and all over the place and holding onto the mouse..and then i flinch and realize its not happening at all. the hand one makes me feel disgusted..its gross. i always feel like im on drugs. i took dayquil today. and i cried about a thousand times. because i felt bad out of nowhere..and then i suddenly remembered how much i hate this year and am completely loyally in love with last year. i think i idealize it..i think i have made myself believe its better then it really was. so i cried about everything..and really it was about nothing..and ian gave me a total of 60 hugs..and i felt better. because he actually cared.