my new years resolution is just to have the will to be alive. i could say, "to get over him". but i dont want to do that. because i don't think i could actually get myself to physically say, i would not get back together with him if that was an option. it just won't happen. so i will work on being happy, and we'll see what comes along with that. i lost a shot glass. it is my mothers. she's going to kill me. what i wanted to happen didn't happen. i hate being alone. i didn't used to hate being alone. but i hate it, everytime i'm alone i have these extreme feelings like i would just love to die. i have to fill myself with other people's lives and feelings because my life and feelings are all shitty. i think if you really start thinking, literally, everyone will come to the conclusion that they are unhappy. when i dont have other people to worry about, i think about myself. but i don't want to watch the tv, or be on the internet. because im so sick of staring at screens. i want to not feel. so i sleep. and i think most of my entries are the same thing, so maybe until i start feeling anything different, i'll just stop writing again. because life is a drag.