Today was one big blur. not in the sense that i was stoned all day,but everything was just a complete trip. I went to my friends and we got stoned,but i couldnt get really fucked up since my dad was picking me up so i just took a couple hits and relaxed a little... that must have been some bomb stuff since i never get the munchies. maybe i just don't ever notice.i don't notice anything that much anymore... but today was really different. i felt like i was seeing in,like i was the outsider watching inside and all the while i wondered to myself,how the fuck i associate myself with these people.what is the bond that makes us friends? i realized for the millionth time that they aren't my friends. nobody is. and i would rather keep it that way,because if i don't,another person will take away what i already don't have. that would make me-132124234 off the scale and digging me an even bigger shithole than i've already gotten myself into,and i don't want that. whats even worst is i go into these spells where i start panicking for no reason at all. thinking that any nanosecond someone will leave me desolate and alone forever. its even weirder that i already feel desolated and alone,so i don't know why i even think like that when i already feel that way. anyways,this morning when i went to school some girls were gonna go get high in the bathroom,so of course i invited myself with them :) i didn't do it because nos is pretty lame,i mean,if your going to get high do it RIGHT,so you feel it after 10 fucking seconds. i already lost a million braincells and i can tell because i forget almost everything if i don't write it down. anyways...right after i decided "fuck this!"i left and a couple minutes later the security guy comes by and takes them to titus' class. then in second period they call me up and say i was involved with it,and tell me to sit there and wait. the clerks were looking at me like "what did she do this time?"since i'm always in the office for doing stupid things,and they searched my fucking bag! thank god i didn't have shit on me,but they looked through my notes too,and there was one from alicia about getting trashed and stuff. so they asked me if she went to this school and i said no,and so they said they were going to look into it. fucking dumbshits. i hate everything about myself. im done now.