I WANT 4312421412 JOINTS RIGHT THIS SECOND. _{ahhhhhh you dont even FUCKING know.I FUCKING WANT TO BANG MY HEAD INTO A WALL SO I DONT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT FOR AN HOUR OR SO. ok im beginning to recover now but what I just realized right this second is that silly boy is the reason i dont think about drugs as much anymore. of course im still in love my drugs,but he's a replacement drug for me. i really believe it too. the best replacement drug to exist anyhow :) maybe i should stop expecting people to desert me any second. it really fucks with your mind. but to be honest i can't really control it,because i was brought up to think that way in a sense. no thats bullshit,i was brought up by the people that i associate myself with,and they make me the person i am today. NO thats bullshit too. what im trying to say is somehow,someway i started believing that people aren't to be trusted,and now its really biting me in tne butt. im really trying to get out of this state of mind that people are shitheads in our society,not to mention our entire society IS a big shit. ok see,im doing it again. ok well anyways, IM TRYING to be a lot more positive and apparently most of the time its working. because most of the time im talking to the boy im seriously madly in love with, AND I FUCKING LOVE HIM. and i didnt just write this so he could see it,because he probably will read it,but this is a fucking sitdiary and im going to write whatever is on my mind. and he's always on my mind. i went to bed thinking about him,and i woke up thinking about him. !@#$!@$!@#$@!#$!@$!@$!@$!@$!@$!@}