i just realized that i am much more patient then i thought i was. i mean a ton of ignorant kids in school are all blaming me for someones arrest. and this is the thing ok--the girl that got arrested was vandalizing the school bathrooms supposedly,and she goes around telling people to call her REEFER,when thats whats all over the walls. now how dumb can you get. really. & as for me? i sit ALONE reading a book at lunch and break.and how long has that been? about a month, when this just happened last week. and to be honest i think its hilarious and yet sad because i feel bad for them that they are so ignorant,but at the same time its hilarious because its all being blamed on me. if you've read any of my past entries,you will notice that i dont like people in general. a certain few....yes. but for the most part the majority of people can kiss my ass. i won't be an asshole to people unless they do something to really deserve it,but i keep a distance from myself and people. thats ok it keeps me safe. me and my cousin were talking about why we are so proud of ourselves and the reasons we distance ourselves from other people. and i love how our thoughts are so alike. because i can honestly say i can sit down and talk with her about everything in the universe and not care about what i am saying. she is my comfort zone,and i dont know what i would do without her. im not even kidding. but im going off on a tangent. in all honesty i really have nothing to be proud of.i dont have a job,i dont have a car,i dont have money,and all i do is sit on my ass all day get drunk and do drugs. when i can at least. for now i cant,because im getting drug tested randomly for a few months. and even now i still sit on my ass or go on the computer. so it really isnt that different. sometimes i think i go catatonic for a couple of minutes.i swear. i will be sitting somewhere listening to some depressing music,and someone will try to talk to me,but i can't bring myself to speak. not even a word. i will be in the same position i was 11 minutes ago staring at the same spot i was staring at 11 minutes ago. sometimes i get unbelievably scared that any second i will be abandoned and desolated. so after i think about it for a couple of minutes i realize for the 12412341243 time that i dont have to worry about being abandoned because in a way i already am. i abandoned myself because i was robbed of my personality. by who? i don't fucking know. probably myself. or maybe you. i have been someone im not for such a long time that i no longer know who i am. and for that im gonna have to say fuck all you people. fuck you all for taking my thoughts and almost changing me to an ignorant person like yourself. for a while you did,and then i snapped back to my senses. but i hope one day,the bridge you built collapses so you know what its fucking like to be like me. i hope you fucking realize what an ignorant fuck you were. but some people like me know that some people were just made to be ignorant as life lessons for other people. and for that, thank you. thank you for fucking showing me that you can't be trusted. and im gonna thank the fuck out of you for being so ignorant because you guys are my life lesson. fucking thanks.