a yearning that will grab a hold of me in the nite.i miss who he was,not who he became.i miss the real man i had;not the drunk abusive one he slowly became. i want to tear my flesh off to rid myself of the dirt.the tears of my dead childrens fetus'the stinging tears that were never acknowledged,the tears of my families pain,the tears of rape. my flower has been killed&now im merciless. now i know why the caged bird sings; he's not really singing he's crying. im holding up and staying strong,but inside i am writhing with worms.