for the past 214321421343124321 months i've been going in and out of a catatonic state. my heart will go 124321421 miles a minute,but i cant move and i cant talk and i want to do a million things but i cant do any of them. and then after i get out of them,i'll start crying hysterically for stupid little things. things i should have done. things i could have changed. maybe im going to get a heartattack soon and it'll be all over and i dont have to worry about my problems. :) i want to smoke. really fucking bad you dont even know. i miss weed,i miss my old life,and i miss being that girl that everybody knew and wanted to talk to. I REALLY FUCKING MISS IT. even though they probably didnt even give 1 shit about me,it doesnt matter. ahhhhh just fucking DIG A GRAVE FOR ME. thats the least you could do if you really cared. maybe people do care and im just so fucked up in the head that i dont believe anyone of them. or maybe i should just shut the fuck up because i really dont know anymore.