and i'm home. yeah, it's saturday. not sunday. a lot of shit went down with keith's mom and money and we had to come home early. which doesn't matter to me. sure, going to kentucky kingdom would have been fun, but nobody needs it. on keith's birthday, the eleventh, i guess we're gonna go up there for his birthday. for some odd reason, i wish i wouldn't have met hilary. ever. she's a sneaky back stabber and i really wish she'd disappear. forever. she fucks with nick and i. and i'm starting to think "nick and i" has no meaning. or point. because all it is is;; us. hilary. and problems. he doesn't think she has anything to do with us, but truth be told, she fucks us up completely. he's a fucking liar. "i don't care about her, we're not friends," my fucking ass. that's why they talk. that's why her away message is telling him to call her. that's why she's always commenting on his shit. it's official. i hate hilary. no. i don't hate her. i just don't care about her, at all. tonight we were pulled over. and i nearly got into a fight with the cop. getting a cocky voice with me. and shining a flash light in my face. when i have to reach out of a window and push the flash light down and say, "sir, learn respect," then that police man shouldn't be working that job. either way;; i have cigarettes. thank fucking god. i hate cigarettes. but i smoke them anyway. some people say i'm stupid. because i think other people shouldn't smoke. well. i say that because i care about them. i don't care about me, though. and i have a fucking tan. goddamn swimming pool. i met a girl today that was five and a better swimmer than i could ever be. she had the blondest hair. the bluest eyes. and the biggest ears you'll ever see. indiana has mountains. why didn't i know that? the thought of moving for a guy that i don't like is starting to piss me off. hello. earth to fucking "mother". does she have any idea what the hell she's doing? yeah. some guy that she's known for a year, and dated for a few weeks, is now more important than her daughter. someone who she's fucking known and raised for thirteen years. suddenly, i'm starting to think relationships mean more than anything to society. "yeah, my boyfriend beats me, but whatever." "yeah, my boyfriend wants me to move with my daughter for him to another part of state, but whatever." "yeah, my boyfriend fucks my bestfriend, but whatever." people are so ignorant. if a guy touched me, i would get rid of his ass in a snap. if a guy wanted to try to tell me to move and change my child's life, then he'd better think again. if a guy ever, fucking ever, slept with a friend of mine, or another woman, he'd be gone. i don't know whose to blame. the female or the male. but i hate both sexes. being "done" with marijuana is hard when you're pissed. i stopped due to the coke. but whenever i'm pissed, and i'm thinking, "fuck what everyone says and thinks. the shitheads don't care," then i go out and smoke more. it's not an addiction. nothing's an addiction. you know, i think about that a lot. how people are so addicted to cigarettes. yeah, bullshit. nobody's fucking addicted. they either do it to look cool, or because it's a hobby. a fucking hobby. if someone wants to quit, then goddamnit they can quit. it's their fault they can't. because that means that they really don't want to. and shit like this makes me think of dumbfucks like gretchen. "ohmygod, i'm soooo addicted to cigarettes that i don't even inhale. AT ALL!" yeah, go die. she's a cunt in the first place. she smokes to look cool and fit in with her ohso scene "friends." where is my mom? er. nevermind. she's at waynes having sex. i need to get laid myself. but by someone i can trust. so that leaves.. nobody. fuck love. fuck friends. fuck family. love music.