fair and fucking square. tonight was homecoming. school was strange. mood swings and all. but it was okay in the end. afterschool missy & i went to kevin's and smoked three joints. then tiffany took us to the game. we kicked their asses. whoever the hell we were against. 37 to 14 or something. yeah. too many fucking people there. some asshole kept setting off stink bombs. my god, they were fucking nasty. vanessa was there. and marissa. and sarah. and stephanie. and kaela. and derrick. and keith. and dale. and geoff. and alicia, amy, josh, shane, michelle, gary, audrey, brandon, bryan, austin, andy pants, colton, THELISTGOESON. for some reason, seeing everyone like that really fucking helps the moment. it makes everything go away. getting too many hugs. but hearing your name repeated from like, twenty different directions sucks. OH. so let me tell you guys something. i'm walking with missy and whatnot, right? and i see allyson, steph's sister, with her friends. one of her friends is this guy in a cky beanie and hoodie and his hair's all semi-long redishbrown and he's so fucking adorable. but y'know, when i notice a guy like that, big deal. if i notice them and they make eye contact with me, and keep it longer than i do, then i know something's up. the thing is, the kid and i kept fucking looking for/at each other. and it was really weird. i'd look at him, and he'd be looking at me, and i'd look down, and look back up, and he'd still be looking, so we'd both kinda smile at each other and then look away. it was all in a few seconds each time because it's a fucking football game with 342342342342 people. ANYWAY. eventually, audrey says, "OH I KNOW HIM!" and goes on and on about the kid. we looked for him everywhere, but the game was over by then, and he was nowhere to be found, unfortunately. it upset me, too, because i'm fucking.. lonely. it's ridiculous. yessss, so, missy, audrey, and i walked to the after party at valley mills down the street. even though it was FREEZING. jesus christ, hello fall. BUT. ah! i keep getting off track. we get there, and look everywhere for him, and he's not there. so we hungout with 32423423 different people, met a few new cool kids, saw cody and everyone fuck around and play games and eat and ah. it was really nice. around 1030, missy called her mom up to leave and i was supposed to go with her. audrey wanted me to stay with her until midnight though. but i chose missy, because i didn't feel like staying there if i was already bummed out about the guy not being there and it was really cold anyway. so missy and i are sitting on these rocks waiting for her mom outside when a white car drives passed us and the guy's in the backseat! he saw me and, suprisingly, freaked out, even though his friends were in the car. i don't think he made much noise, or maybe he did. but his hands went up and he pointed and had this huuuuge smile on his face. it was so fucking adorable. i let missy go on home and ended up staying with audrey. it took us forever to talk to him. well, audrey did a few times. took his picture. told him that a friend of hers is interested and shit. yeah, my shy ass couldn't go up to him worth shit. the later it got, the colder it got, so we headed inside. audrey, michael, shane, and i were hanging out by the bathrooms when 'the dude' walks in the building with his friends. audrey screams for him and he comes over. and, gah, i hate myself so much for being so fucking shy, but i did this really girly scream and ran into the bathroom. HAHAHA. OHMYGOD I'M SUCH A LOSER. jesus christ. it took audrey literally twenty minutes to get me the fuck out of there. michael told him to get his friends away. and he did, immediately. and he told audrey that he kept seeing me all night and thought i was really pretty. yeh, my stomach was fucking butterfly central. she got me out eventually by trying to lie. "they all left! you can come back out now." hahaha. roiiiight. so i said, "bullshit, dude. he's still out there, i'm not stupid. swear on our friendship." i love audrey. she started laughing and said that he was out there, and he had told his friends to go away. maaaaaaan. i went out there, and he was sitting RIGHT THERE, and ohman. my fucking heart was pounding. my hands were sweaty. i had this really funny smile stuck on my face. my whole body was shaky. everyone made me sit next to him, and we made small talk (our shoelaces are the same, we both never talk to people that we like because we're both really shy, he introduced me to his friends which was really fucking neat for him to do) because he's really shy, and is a virgin, even though he's in 10th grade, which i found very fucking nice. he's really really cute, so i figured he'd be all manwhorish and shit. but guess not. turns out i fucking know his brother. his brother was talking to me a few weeks ago about buying my drumset, and put dalton (the duuuude's name. isn't that just fucking adorable?) on the phone. we talked for a few seconds. yeahhhh. go figure. i found it funny that we've talked before. but he gave me his number, and even made it a point to find me before he left to hug me goodbye. i don't know, sd. i'm pretty nervous. i mean, come on. really really pretty 10th grader? please. i have a feeling that i won't get enough balls to call him, and even if i do, he won't wanna talk to me and nothing'll happen. i hate getting my hopes up, but they're already up. fuuuuuck. i'm really fucking scared. ahaha. nick chambers, big mother fucker that lives in decatur woods, went up to keith and started threatening him and shit and blaming him for the fucking fires this week. duuuude, i went up to nick so fucking pissed when i heard that. nick screamed, fucking SCREAMED, at me. called me names and all that bullshit. better fucking believe i screamed back. he put his finger in my face while screaming at me, which caused me to slap his hand. he got pissed and said that if i touch him again, he'll beat my ass and yadafuckingyada. the kid just fucking threatened to cut keith's throat open. fuck that. i was fucking pissed. this whole group of black guys were like, RIGHT next to us listening the whole time. as soon as nick said, "fuck you you fucking bitch," he walked off, and the dudes were like, "hey, you need him to get hit? i won't hesitate to fucking go up to him right now and slam his ass. we'll take turns. even you can." it was really nice. i told them to do whatever they want, and i'm not sure what happened. but i thought i'd share that interesting story. wow. i keep talking about me. it's my diary. dur. hahaha. my fucking god. i needa do something. like smoke a lot. or move! OHYEAH! we got to go inside the house on collier! it's like a dollhouse. my ceiling is fucking a little over six feet tall. brandon probably couldn't fit without ducking. it's what's gonna happen, i hope. and hopefully we'll be out of here soooooon. OKAY. NEVERMIND. THIS ENTRY IS TOO LONG.