the stop on pills is confirmed. two nights ago keith and i bought twenty five dollars worth of loratab from brandon. after taking them, we hungout at the park until they kicked in, went back to brandon's, and sat outside. we all talked and shared shit with each other for four hours. brandon and i are friends, but we've never had a chance to open up about personal things. i really like brandon as a person. but anyway, we all sat out there until eight in the morning and decided to go get cigarettes and breakfast at denny's. the lesbian, jenny, was our waiter. she's so funny. we ate breakfast, brandon went home, and keith and i came back here. loratab always makes me sick, so i went through the huge headache/puking thing. keith went to get brandon, because i needed him, and when he got here, i gave him the rest of the pills back. i didn't want my money back, or any other pills, i just wanted him to have them, and to have them away from me. he went home to sleep, keith watched american history x for the first time, and i slept. keith couldn't get me up, so he crashed too. we both woke up around eight at night, he went home, i hungout with brandon for a few minutes, came home, and went back to sleep. kat, george, and jason woke me up today around two. we hungout at george's house eating and whatnot until keith came and got me. today was a really funny day. i don't know how, but everything just seemed so simple and funny. jokes came easily. so did laughs. bryan hungout with us for a bit until he had to leave with his girlfriend. so we bought some bud, and have yet to touch it since keith is grounded now. he has it, and my cigarettes. thank god he gets ungrounded tomorrow. kat didn't stay the night or anything. we just kinda hungout, and both left george's. it was awkward. i stopped by sheena's after realizing that nobody was outside at all. robbie, an ex boyfriend of hers, was there. steve just got his job back at denny's. which is good. he needs a job. especially if he's with my sister. she isn't the greatest person in the world, but she atleast deserves a working boyfriend. i haven't seen robbie since i was seven. he looks the same. i look insanely different. his reaction to seeing me at first was hilarious. when i walked in, he kinda stared, and sheena said, "do you remember who this is, cathy?" "robbie." he just kinda sat there, and then it hit him what she called me, and he was like, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT! NO WAY!" yeah, it was pretty funny. i guess you just had to be there. he's black, and looks like usher, so we tease him a lot. decatur is ridiculously racist. actually, indiana is. so whatever. we took steve to denny's. james, zack, zack's girlfriend, and some dude was there. zack has a new haircut. it's crazy looking. robbie was being all paranoid because he's black. eh, there's black people in decatur, just not many. i'm used to em. and my fucking god i'm not racist. nor a fucking redneck. so i loved having him around. whoa, off topic. we went back to sheena's, drank coffee and shared old school stories, and i left. brandon and i found each other, and went to his porch to talk. josh came up about twenty minutes later. he's spreading rumors about me, since i'm supposedly doing the same. rumors my fucking ass. nobody believes him about anything anyway. brandon's starting to hate him. along with everyone else. after about ten minutes, keith came up magically. we had stick fights and drank mountain dew until deciding to have a cherry war. sheena's window was hit a few times, so robbie and her came out. she fucking threw powder all over keith. it was so fucking hilarious. his face and shirt was COVERED. brandon and i sat in my sisters car for a while during the cherry war. we talked about tomorrow [technically today], because he has this huge baseball thing and if he passes it, he goes to butler for four years. i told him that i hope he fucks up, because i don't want him leaving here.us.me. he told me that he doesn't really want to leave, and that he hopes he fucks up, and he might on purpose, because he wants to be here when kirby gets out so he can kill him. it put me at loss of words, because i didn't know brandon cared that much, yet when he found out about that whole situation, he got really pissed. keith and josh went inside when their dad came and started screaming at them to 'get their fucking asses inside.' so brandon and i headed back over to his porch, and talked for about fourty minutes about whatever until he went inside to get some sleep for tomorrow. afterwards, i went home. mother was freaking out about me being gone for hours and yadayada. we kinda got into it, but made up by making brownies and going to shell to get ramen noodles. we've been watching home delivery and eating ramen noodles for the past hour. some times i really do love her. i actually cried today. maybe because i wasn't on any anti-anxiety pills, or any pills at all. i wasn't on a single thing. mother told me that the house we've been wanting for a while wasn't an option due to our old house. we were kicked out. it was a huge mess, and we can't own a house for another two years. talk about depressing. cutting was in mind, but i cried instead. it's really hard. staying in decatur woods is hard. eh, fuck. ryan zeigler and i talked yesterday. i miss that kid like crazy. he's supposed to be getting a car this week, which means he'll be coming to see danielle and i. mmm, yay. that'd make me a bit happier. we haven't seen each other since school let out. speaking of school, it starts on the 15th. registration is thursday. that'll be exciting. keith and i are gonna get pretty high before school on the first day. it makes me so nervous, so it'll help. last year, on the first day, i was so nervous i puked and couldn't go. no more of that. damn, one more year of junior high. fucking high school is so close. i have so much on my mind. between ozzfest&kashena, moving, drugs, love. all of that stupid shit. twizted? er whatever the fuck that stupid icp faggot pussy band is, redid people are strange. i heard it today, and broke the cd. i didn't mean to go that far, but george was okay with it. he just burnt jason's copy, but i still felt hella bad. i couldn't stop laughing though. i hope bryan's okay. the drunken night. [keith, myself, travuus.] take care.