i don't think i'm ever going to get over you. i think i'm just going to end up hating you and hurting a lot. i'm too drugged up. &we're off to school. 241pm. &we're back. today was whatever. dale is a sweetheart, and makes my day. at the end of last period, when the bell rings, and we meet in the hall, he gives me a big hug and says something sweet to make me laugh. we don't know each other. we only know each other through miriah. and he's heard about how fucked up my childhood's been. and i've told him that i'm heartbroken. and trying to get over it. so he always hugs me. and today he sprayed axe on me. so i smell like curve and axe. weird. travis garcia, a friend from school, likes me. he told demi, and she's all trying to get us together, and i straight up told them both that i'm not into travis. &we're all still bestfriends for dear and lunch. honestly, i'm nowhere near over bryan. at all. i still cry every other night, because i'll start thinking about him, and it hurts. a lot. but it's a strange feeling. because i've never felt this. i'm inlove with him. bottom line. getting over him isn't going to be easy, and i know this, because i've lived it, and i've gotten over people. but throughout the process i never had this strong hate feeling. it's like;; i love him. but he's absent. and he's gone, for good. so that love feeling gets really pissed, and it turns into this really strong hate feeling that makes me want to strangle something. it's like when bradley left kashena for colorado. bryan pretty much disappeared for megan. kashena was really inlove with bradley. i'm really inlove with bryan. she was heartbroken. i'm heartbroken. she started this book of writings and songs just for bradley. she called it the book of hate. because he hurt her so badly, that she turned that love into hate because of her anger. and i have a feeling that's what's happening right now. the feeling's scary. but i know when i am over him, if that happens, i will be so fucking strong. ican'twait. some times i feel like i wanna grow up too fast. because i want a job and a car and money and i want to start getting people presents and buying my own things. but that requires a job. which requires a car. and it all makes me want to just fucking do it. i'm not a lazy person. if all of this means working, and never getting sleep, and still going to school, then fine. i can't get a job for another month. and i don't expect to get a job any time soon. not even when i'm fourteen, but maybe fifteen. i just can't wait until sixteen. i'm getting the fuck out of here for a month or so. or maybe a week or two. whatever feels okay. this katrina hurricane thing hit me yesterday in spark class. i started crying. watching the videos of one of the most amazing places flooded really sucks. and those poor poor people. they were already poor, and now they're homeless, and don't have family. it's just such a tragedy. i hope they get a lot of money from the donations and get help. we have another tropical storm coming near us. gay. 250. missy's here. so i'm leaving. and going to josh's around four. and then hanging out with keith. tomorrow i'm free. so yes.