i think i feel weird that nick never reads this because we don't talk much anymore since he's always busy and this is where i put everything that goes on which he never knows about. i want to tell him about this hilary thing and how i saw her yesterday at the fair even though i didn't really look at her. he's always gone and always busy and it's actually starting to upset me. the fair was fun and seeing everyone really helped me out. i've been decently okay recently but last night just boosted it a lot. keith and i walked up there and went through the woods instead of going around the high school and middle school. why? because i know shortcuts. why? because i'm awesome. so yeah. we get there, and it's freaking scary, because it's bigger than i thought it would be. the first person we ran into was nick [not perry], and he was looking for this girl, so we went looking for her, which lead us to run into sarah, which lead us to run into coty, which was hanging out with hilary, so that didn't last long. then we found that girl nick was looking for, and james was with her. for a while, we hungout, and then danielle started calling my name. so i ran back to her, and we hugged since it had been a while since we last saw each other. she was with dallas, whom i had never talked to in real life, and her sister and cousin. we talked and won a fish for danielle. then they left after i found marissa. we hugged and talked and yada yada. she was with stephanie, so i was able to meet her. we all walked around and rode a few rides that made me sick, but for some reason i kept riding more rides. eventually we ran into mitch and austin sprinkle. austin and i hugged, which was weird since we never do that [except on the last day of school]. he told me about how he had cheated on olivia with jenna and then jenna ended up walking up and going off on him with her friend. so i walked away from that. sam was there, and we kept running into each other and talking. oh yes, travuuus was there, too. and he was drunker than shit. which made it fucking hilarious because he kept yelling at people and yelled to this redneck, "white trash, represent!" either way, it was funny. i saw this boy i used to have a crush on during school and he refused to tell anyone he liked me back except his bestfriend because he was too popular and ghetto and cool to like a girl that looks like me, but seeing him was amusing because he was alone and i think he was alone the whole time because i never saw anyone with him. he saw me and we made eye contact and he kindof smiled because he knew that he had hurt me months back but i kindof smiled back anyway. it's just who i am. marissa left with stephanie and coty left with his grandma. paul was there too, but he's annoying and is nosey. keith and paul rode this bear ride for free and the man that was working it gave keith about 20-30 tickets for free just because. mitch hungout with me while they rode that. we talked about whatever and nothing important really. then his dad came. we found melissa, and they left. then paul left. and that's when keith came up to me and asked me what i wanted to ride. i didn't have time to answer, nor to think, when brandon, josh, mike, and daniel came up to us. josh kept trying to talk to me, and keith noticed, so keith said, "cathy, you wait here, josh come on." they went and rode something that i would probably never ride in my life. keith came back and got me and told me he was sorry for leaving me alone but he didn't want josh around me. i wish nick would read that. then we went to ride something else and they all came back up to us and asked us for tickets. so we went through the mansion of mayhem which scared the fuck out of me. josh was in the very front and i was in back so i guess that's okay. then they rode this ride that i'll probably ride tonight just because it plays good music and has some of my biggest fears involved. after that ride, they all left. keith and i got a drink and left, too. when we were walking over the bridge we noticed someone was talking. we also noticed it was daniel. so we yelled at them to stop fucking each other in the woods and to come out. they didn't, so we kept walking. then brandon came up and jumped infront of me and screamed. i knew it was him, so whatever. he just looked stupid. then daniel, mike, and josh sped up with us. they all fucked around and i kept walking. that's when josh came up to me and put his arm around me and asked what was up. i didn't talk to him or respond to anything he was saying or doing. that's when keith came up, jumped infront of us, screamed, and asked me to race him to the light poll. after he won, he told me that he had done that because of josh. keith walked me home and then went home and crashed. ohyeah, i won a fish. an ugly fish. i named him spermee. spelled wrong on purpose. when i got home, i put spermee in a vase, got food, and went to sleep. we're going again tonight, and tomorrow night. but this time, i'll have money. i think i should start my period soon. when i woke up, i had cramps. that sucks so badly. i hate periods, but i have years to come. marissa is one of my favorite people. and it's four twenty pm. i type a lot. keith's on his way over. i wonder if my mom's giving us a ride. we're gonna try to get her to pick up marissa if she can't get a ride. i wish bryan wouldn't drink so much and do so many drugs. he really is better than that. -cathy. edit. i change my mind. i'm starting to despise the person bryan's becoming. go ahead, darling. do your fucking drugs. it makes you look fucking ignorant. i'll "shush about your substance abuse" if you shut the fuck up about my self mutilation. mmk? mmk. good.