i'm in a horrible mood. about everything. and it really sucks. nick called me after that conversation online. i don't want to talk about it. i don't care much about it. he's dragging it on by telling her shit. like how she's beautiful and whatnot. yet he doesn't want this situation to go on any further? eh. whatever. it doesn't make sense. and i don't even think about it. even though there is like, a month left of summer, last summer was better. well, kind of. it's hard to decide. i'm starting to hate summer period. i like spring break. and winter break. but summer is just stupid. not getting up at six is fine. but it gives everything too much time to fuck up. last summer was okay. there was love. and depression. and a lot of laughs and conversations. and a lot of cries and screams. but i still liked it. half of it was with mitch, and then bryan. i was opened up to a lot of good music, and had tons of phone conversations late at night. this summer has been... i don't know. different. and not too fun. denny's, barely any phone conversations, staying out late, smoking marijuana, a little drinking, stupid boy problems, friend problems, depression. i don't really like this summer. i really want to get tickets to warped tour before it sells out. if it does. i don't know. for some odd reason, this stupid boy at the chevelle show thing is really fucking upsetting me. chevelle's going to be playing in fort wayne but i'm not going to buy tickets and go all the way to fort wayne just to hope to find a boy that might not even be there. i've looked everywhere i could. i posted a bulletin on myspace about him, asked people that i don't even know that went to that show if they know him, posted an entry about him on livejournal. blahblah. everything. i can't find anyone that knows him. and it really upsets me. i think it pisses bryan off maybe. but. bryan says i "dig him". and i do. he was really really cute. and really nice. but that's not why i want to find him. i want to say thanks, and then get to know him better, and have a new friend. i need more friends. i need new friends. i'm slowly losing the ones i have. and i'm not one to go running back to someone like that. so i'm letting them go. eh. i just really fucking want to find that boy. i've actually cried about it. eh. it's so stupid. for the longest time i hated death cab for cutie, but i keep listening to them. and now i like them. i love cursive though. fuck. i feel like crying. i always feel like crying anymore. and i sleep a lot. i went to sleep around 1045am, and woke up at 1030pm tonight. and i still want to lay down and go to sleep. depression sucks. i hope next summer is different. just wait until the summer where i'm sixteen. that'll be better. two more summers, and then i'll be gone. roadtrips. yes. :(.