last night was great. emily and i talked for hours about everything and we still could have talked more, but it was sleepy time :) it was great. we talked about the beginning of our relationship, all the roadblocks we encountered, how we are now, and other things that concerned us, not having to do with the two of us together. we talked a lot we even wrote back in forth in my dairy. i actually let her read it. my oh so private one thats kept under my bed. its pretty personal, but it was fairly old. no one flipped out at anything that was said. we talked so nicely. we really cleared things up, sorted out our "secrets"... and i hope we grew from it. i discovered how much ive changed since last year. i kept noticing all these things that i thought that i would never think now. im happy ive grown. growing is good. i also discovered so many things about emily that i simply take for granted. first off, her lips. the sexiest thing ever. and her writting. ive gotta admit, the girls got talent. her acting her speaking the way she just expresses herself so well. shes so wonderful. and she takes such good care of me. god shes amazing. wow she actually sounds kinda boring. but i think thats the best part! she is so much fucking fun and can be really immature, but i still know shes smart. and its so fun :) god she just seems... unbelievable. almost. too good to be true. god and what she gives! she gives so much to me! i swear shes 10 million times better to me than i am to her. i can be such a bitch. i drive her fucking crazy sometimes. yet shes still sitting next to me on this ride. i feel like such a bad person. how could i do that! i really hope i can start to change. the lil ducky deserves so much more! ooh and i could tell you how good the sex was because we bought tingly stuff.. but ill spare you. thats kinda private and should be kept in the bedroom! sorry if that was too much, youll live! oh man it bugs me how much people freak out over the words "sex" and "drugs". everybody thinks theyre so bad, but theyre not once you try them! maybe its just because ive been in pretty safe and healthy (some may dissagree) environments. but really, i think its so wrong that "sex" is a bad word. a word not to be used. i think its purdy and we all know that everyone does some form of it. you dont have to flaunt it... but whats the harm in some healthy sex? people can be too conservative about some things.... last night i looked at almost every picture and read the captions in the red drama book that my mom stole. wow. how... fun? and we listened to nirvana and hot hot heat for about 9 hours straight. weve been listening to a lot of ani difranco too. god that girls amazing. ooh and the other day emily and i were really bored and we read every scene there is in the drama book together :) it was so fun. im so glad we've got another thing in common. god im so lucky. weve also been taking really fun pictures with disposable cameras. flash! yesterday she had this red hair gel and she put it in her hair and it turned out pink. so she put on my jacket and her cool sunglasses and her nickelodeon converse and sat on her pink beanbag and we took a cool picture :) weve been talking lots of fun things like that. this shall be a good role :) i hope the childrens theatre ones turn out okay. oh please. i swear last night was one of my best nights ever. the best talks ever. it was so nice to talk about all those dramatic, depressing things that happened. and finally get it all out. i think it needed to be laid out like that in order to completely move on. and we needed to appreciate that weve changed since then. so all of our secrets are dissolved now. i didnt think it was possible that we could get any closer. but we did. im glad i was able to have her as my bestfriend before my girlfriend last night, how it actually is. sometimes i think we get lost in the girlfriend role. oh boy. its 7 45 am now. im not really hungover. i kind of slept it off. an hour ago when i slept on and off for an hour. emilys still passed out. she doesnt have energy like caitlin does! (*cue superheroe music*) im a fucking morning person. and shes a night person. oh boy. we really are opposites in a lot of things. im so proud that weve brought ourselves together. and that were still alive. and very healthy little bunnies. moments like these make my life seem so fortunate.