There's so much to take care of and so little to do. I want everything to be clear and perfect again and I want to take care of everything as it comes my way, not have it all stacked up like this. I broke down from a lack of someone to talk to. Weekends at home sick and Mondays at home pretending to be sick means I haven't really talked to anyone in a while. I'm hungry for talking and honesty. I'm sad that I don't do anything creative anymore, and that as a result I have not been able to be so honest that it shivers your own soul and echoes both something more and something less. I want to have a clean room and new cds and I want to lay on my rug and listen to them and space out with them and become clear and saturated at the same time. Since I can remember, I have always gotten upset about the same things: being lonely, and being lowly in comparison to my sister. Today I tried to explain to myself why I am no perfect like her. There are no words for it. I'm different and it's hard to acert yourself as different. But I am. Everytime I make a "mistake" in someone elses eyes, I don't feel as if it's a mistake. Because there was no preventing it. I just did it, and that's that. Tomorrow I don't work and I want to go to the park with my homegirls or something.