I think I'm stuck in my head. I have all these thoughts that need to be released but that part of my brain that lets things out is clogged. I keep on praying that the shrink will call and then I'll get an appointment and go into her office and my brain will pour and then everything will be okay again. Of course, everything won't be okay, but I can't help thinking that's all I need to be better. Every outlet of expression has been lost. I can't write any of this out, I can't draw it, I can't say it and I can't even play it. But then again, when was the last time I actually tried any of those things? Every week I feel the swelling get bigger. Bigger. Bigger. Someone please just poke a hole in my head and drain it all out. Every day I like myself a little bit less andlessandless. Where you can't help glare and sneer at yourself in the mirror every morning. Don't you hate how low I go when I go low. I'm getting lost in dreams of faraway places again. I think it's some sort of reoccuring disease. I get these beautiful images stuck in my head and they always feel so much better than here. But I still know that life always feel this same way, there's never a turn of the camera angle or a special filter applied to make everything more beautiful. I can't believe that it's supposed to be humane to keep kids locked up in highschool for this long. I feel like tomorrow I'm going off to college in another country and I'm going to meet adults and people that are 10x as smart as me and 15x as mature as me. This maturity is like a curse. It makes me feel like I'm smarter than everyone else but I know that's not true. All the honors kids are beginning to sound smarter than me. I hate you school, look what you're doing to me.