i know i'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight. i just want to have someone with me right now. and i cant. only one person will do right now, and that person is the only person i cant be with. damn it. i feel like walking on into the night. the cold might make me feel better. i was thinkin today. when i get married i honestly cant think of anyone i want to be my best man. i know things might change by the time i get married, but as of now i have three friends. that would be my girlfriend, katelyn, and my sister. and none of them are guys to be my best man. and that is the order that the importance of the friendships goes in. everyone else that i've ever considered my friend is a fucking worthless drug addict, liar, user, or asshole. or maybe a combination a several. i fucking hate almost everyone. that may piss some people off, but it's true. it's alright though. between tonya, kate, and my sister i have the best damn friends anyone could ever ask for. those three all are so good to me. they care about me, one like a lover two like a brother. hey, i rhymed! holy damn, i'm so tired, but i just cant sleep. i feel lonely. the kind that eats away at you. i guess i could stay up and do my homework or something. why is everyone being a pain in my ass right now? people have a problem with me being happy i guess. oh yeah, and when i get married i dont want a fucking bachelor party. what the fuck is the point? i wouldn't enjoy it. causeofeffect is a cool name, props. now i'm just fishing for shit to say. back to the bachelor party. i really dont even wanna discuss that at all. i honestly dont understand what the point of going out, getting hammered and possibly fucking up your life with your future wife is gonna do. fuck that. i want to spend my last night as a so called "free man" holding my fiance' and talking about our life together and how much we love each other. the bullshit that this country is built on. so much fucking hypocracy and shit. i wish nearly everyone was dead. i need to get a good job so i can provide for my tonya. provide for our kids. i also want to have a band. and play clubs or some shit on weekends. thats the only two things i want out of life. a happy marriage with kids and a band. i had a band, and i have forsaken it to be with tonya. i need a band to work around her. i would give up the bass for her if i had to. the bass, the only instrument i love. the best instrument ever invented. the coolest and most compelling. i was thinking for prom that tonya and i could just not come the fuck home and say fuck our parents. we both never get in trouble, what the hell, they can deal with it. i'm 18 she's 17 and they can deal. her parents would be asleep and wouldnt know she didnt come home until the next morning. same with mine. i'd bring her home, get yelled at by her parents, or not. then i'd go home and get yelled at by mine. or she can say she's spending the night at my house and then i won't go home and just get in trouble with my parents. they can all deal with it. i dont think her mom would care. if she knew where we were. god, i need to quit typing, and go to sleep or some shit. alright. bye bye to all of you. p.s. i really wanna have a baby.