Well hello everyone. I hope you guys are doing better than I am. I've just realized that I really am back to the state I was at when I got raped. Brandon made me happy, I was actually happy after the rape, but then he took all that happiness away. Now I'm numb again, I don't care what people think about me anymore. I really don't care anymore. I mean, two months ago, I would have never dreamed about cheating on Brandon. I loved him with all my heart, I still do, but what am I holding on for? I mean, it's obvious he doens't love me anymore, and who could blame him. I don't care anymore, i don't care how many people I sleep with, I don't care if I live or die. Have you heard Good Charlotte's new cd yet? Well if you have, there is a song that reminds me of Brandon and my relationship. It's track 9 I beleive. Well I'm serious, all I want from Brandon is the truth. Even though I already know the truth, and it has already killed me. Maybe not physically, but emotionally. I'm not myself anymore, I'm who I was after I got raped. That numb soul that cares about nothing. I can't cry, I can't smile, all I can do is slowly kill myself somemore. It's not like it matters anyway. Like anyone would miss me. There's nothing to be done, I've given up, and the darkness has finally won. Mel