Last night I went and saw the fireworks in Richmond. It became obvious to me that I am so obviously from a small town. We parked on a sidewalk and sat in the median to watch the show, which was put off above a humongous baseball stadium. The fireworks were gorgeous. I’ve never seen that good of a show. In my hometown it lasts about 10 minutes and then you go home. It lasted 30 minutes and it was just great. And I savored the feeling of being a kid again. Yesterday we (AC and Norman) sat down and had dinner at the table like a family and it was so weird. I haven’t felt like that in a long time. I can’t describe it with words that make sense. Just that it reminds me of when I was in junior high and Mom and Bob and I sat down and talked about school and sports and books and it was just the best time of my life. Being secure and with people who loved me. Never mind the bad times those years, I remember the good, and why shouldn’t I? That stuff is gone now and will never be back. Never. And I realize that by living in the moment I can commit these times to memory and not regret like I do with everything else. A few weeks ago, while I was in Tennessee, my aunt and cousin and I rode around in a convertible and for once I wasn’t worried about what my hair would look like or what others would think of me. I was just relishing the wind through my fingers and the sun on my face. It was some kind of heaven. I wasn’t just crawling through my life; I was living it for the first time in a long while. I haven’t felt that way since Jhonna and Nick and Kelly and I hung out at the Pancake House for hours laughing too loud and bothering the waitresses. I will not miss that anymore. I will make more good times with different people. I will. I swear it. Someone basically said that I was small town today. That doesn’t sit well with me. Small town as in I am a person who won’t get out and won’t amount to anything. I don’t know if they meant it that way, but it means that to me. I always thought I was destined for California or New York. Somewhere else. Something else. But I’m not. I might as well admit it to myself since it’s so obvious to others. I am going to live in West Virginia for the rest of my life. I will probably end up marrying someone that I kind of love and don’t really like and I’ll have a kid that irritates the crap out of me. I always wanted to be remembered for something. Something. Anything. Will that happen? Probably not. But I’ll be damned if I spend my life crawling. I won’t. I want to get up and run through life and I will. I swear it. Sidenote: Now that Jenn is finally through with her lowlife boyfriend, I can remind him (I know you still read my diary) of what I said: "I'm not going anywhere. You, on the other hand, will be gone before I forget what we are fighting about." lmao It turns out that I am a pyschic afterall or maybe I can see what's obvious. :-)