yesterday was like a day of reminiscing for me. i thought about a lot of things, and i missed a lot of things. all the nostalgic thoughts reminded me of how lucky i am to have him in my life. he really is one of the sweetest guys i know. even times like wednesday night when i was too overcome with frustration and sadness to really appreciate how much he cared for me, and even when he let me lay my head on his chest and cry, i didn't really think much about it until now. i liked that night. i wish i was allowed to fall asleep with him. but if we get caught, we get in trouble. bleh. last night, before bed, we were all talking about stuff and i frustrated my self by bringing stuff up that i try to forget. i've been slowly realizing that what i really miss is the ignorance i had, the illusions that i believed in. because they seemed so real and i believed them wholeheartedly, so now that i see none of it was real, i miss thinking that it was, having that thing to believe in. i'm so exhausted by everything, the things that i think of everyday, the things i want to say, the things that confuse me even now, the things that i don't understand, the things that i don't believe. all these thoughts exhausted my mind and make me grow really impatient. so much so that i feel like i need to find the answers to my questions soon or i'll just do something that i would regret. but aside from all of that, i have homework to do and a boy to make plans with. nine months is thursday :]