...why can't I simply disregard all the things I feel? So, today could have been worse I suppose. My english teacher gave me some information about an essay contest with massive cash prizes, and the books I need to read to write the essay. She said she thought I was the one most capable in her classes to do it. I was quite flattered. I'm glad I have her all of this year and next year. I saw The Rasmus's newest video today, finally. "Guilty" is neat-o. I tried downloading it, but it wouldn't play. So I was glad I finally got to see it. People can say whatever they want about The Rasmus. I like them. I still feel sickly depressed. I don't know how much longer I can deal with it. Maybe it shouldn't be hurting so badly for so long, but I can't control my emotions. I felt proud of myself today, I made some pretty funny jokes in Spanish. Well, at least me and Brandon Butler thought they were funny. They were of course offensive, but those are often the funniest. I don't think Doug heard the one I made about his mother. He said "...the bindings on these books are loose." And I said, "just like your mother." I really said it for my own and Brandon Butler's amusement, not to make him angry, because I didn't even say it loud enough for him to hear it. Anyway. On ChannelOne, that commercial for the cell phone came on, where the girl asks her friend if she can keep a secret, and it ends up getting all the way around school in five minutes. Anyway, I turn to Brandon Butler and ask "Can you keep a secret?" "Yes." "I banged your mother last night." Whew. I'm glad he is in that class with me, I don't think I could take it otherwise. I gotta have someone to laugh with. We both make complete fools of ourselves at lunch running away from bees. It finally got so bad that we had to go inside. Ah well. Anyway, if you haven't heard the Cruxshadows song I'm listening to, you should. Even if you don't like the Cruxshadows. I love this song. Anyway, now that I've bored you to death, I will sign off, with some Cruxshadows lyrics for Attila. Whom I still love and miss with all my heart... Regrets-The Cruxshadows This beautiful saint is bleeding, fall poison words as arrows fly While distant thoughts intrude like poetry, some apprehension...and some regret Why can't it be like it used to be? Why can't it be like it was? Here I am thinking about you Whenever I close my eyes i'm dreaming of you And if I have to live my life without you forever, I can close my eyes and dream of you Life can be so cruel- take away these regrets A shiny insect, just a plaything? Have you ever heard the butterfly cry? Would you sacrifice beauty for the adrenaline? And would he hate you if he died? Why can't it be like it used to be? Why can't it be like it was? Here I am thinking about you Whenever I close my eyes I'm dreaming of you And if I have to live my life without you forever I can close my eyes and dream of you.