December 9th, 2003 2:47 AM omg! today was so crazy. i was ona wild tangent. i seriously ...saw my ADHD shine through. i know that sounds weird, but i dont usually get that hyper. havn't in a long ass time. i kinda cured myself i guess. my main problem was violence when i was young. i did a complete 360. seriously...except...a little bit..before the cops came to my house the other day so..maybe a 180 haha... ...Aaron pissed me off ..fuckin called me stupid. that is the biggest thing that fuckin irritates the shit out of me and hurts me the most. you can bitch at me all you want. but if you call me stupid.. it just tears me down. so..i kicked his fuckin...50 pound tool bag off the deck and his skill saw case in the mud... then i came in the house,slammed the door, knocked the massage chair across the room, then slammed my door...saying a few obsence things on the way... hahah. i felt really bad afterwards.. whats funny is..the reason i went outside was to cover his sterio up out of the rain..doing a helpful thing and there i go..turn around and fucking totaly cancel out what i had intended on. hahahah. well. anyways. i ...totally cleaned my whole house today. the fridge...the kitchen..the living room. i mean . top and bottom. i had like, 50 tasks goin on at the same time. i should have done hw too..i did a lil just now..but..i felt like..gettin online one more time to write on here. i really havnt opened up all the way on here yet either. even though its like..online..its still odd. maybe i should be like Jon ..and not give a fuck what people think of what my thoughts are.. yah...iv been listening to Elvis all fucking day. i fucking love it. love that word "fUcKINg" haha. fucking Elvis is awesome. i love ..Jail House Rock..and Cant help Falling In Love. out of his 30 #1 hits..yup everytime i think about Will...i fuckin...i duno. i just still cant believe how much he hurt me. its just...incomprehensable..if that's the right word. everytime..i see his mom drive by.. i get sick cuz i know he may be in the car. then i am afraid to get out. i dont ever want to see him again. that's what i say. but i secretly want us to get back together. but i cant ever trust him. fuck. people wonder why i dont have a boyfriend. they act all shocked becuause what they see and think its crazy that "JAClyn nOt have Boyfriend??" well what do you expect. i know there are good people out there. but you only find out who people really once they fuck you over and over again. and dont have the slightest bit concern for reconciliation . will was everything to me. my best firend. he's the one i wanted to call when i was in the hospital to let him know i was thinking about him..and that i was okay... fuckin bitch. i cant stand him so im gonna stop thinking about him I talked to Jon Today! lol. he always makes me happy. him and sarah. even if it is online. ...who gives a fuck.?! haha... yeah. everytime i talk to jon. i get cold. weird eh? your tellin me. sarah makes me giddy. ryan makes me peaceful. haha weird. okay. ya. jon knows. and i do have a crush i guess. haha. that's so funny. wow...... ............ ........... there. like anything would ever come out of that. i dont know if i completely understand him. which ..no one really knows him anyway. and i dont know if i could get to know him any better than i do now. he wouldnt want to open up... to me? noway. whats so special about me? for someone who doesnt trust..to want to open up ..when he doesnt even know who i really am in real life? and that the reason why i know.. nothing would come out of it. maybe im just being really pessimistic wow. this is crazy taht im writing this but now..i dont care what people think ..well i do..but im not going to cover up myself anymore..to an extent. ahhaa. i amuse myself well. idk what else to say. so yea. i think im gonna go take more pics of mah sexay self!! haha jk night dudes! *jaclyn michelle*