out of ..guessing...1,000 + moods, im not one of them. im edgy, cynical, impatient, ready to blow, insecure, pissed and irritable rolled all into one ugly ball. i hate this. but i am giddy...not like that is noticable... my mom is annoying the hell outta me. whenever i'm not "happy" or whatever, she's always got something to throw at me. "well your acting like this person..or that person." "i see nina in you and it's not you." wtf. i cant have feelings like this every once in a while? i can't be mad and want people to shut the fuck up? sorry. but, when people annoy me it's like.... just do what you want to do, but dont talk to me about it because i dont want to hear it..and i really dont have to. sarah isn't online. and i really fucking need to talk to her right now. jon's on..but he wont respond...chip, marco and john i know wouldnt understand me..so im left to vent here. which i really dont want to do, becuase i have things i want to say..but i just cant. i cant even say what i want to HERE fully. i cant stand it when you tell someone you just -dont want to talk- and they act idiotic.. like they didn't here what you just said. i cant think. anyway. lost my train of thought here. okay. so yea. im annoyed/fedup/critical of someone who didnt do anything to ME. but there are these..... certain character traits that bug!. there is nothing they can do about it. so what am i left to do? be nice and try not to hurt feelings. when im just on fire inside and dont know how to act or what to say. wanting *wAntIng* to blow up on them. i try to avoid these kinds of things as much as possible. i try to stay out of the drama..keep on the sidelines.. and i do. i do a damn good job of it too. but when someone brings you into it you just have to bear it. i hate being brought in the middle of peoples problems. especially when the dilema is as above. so i just guess i need to be more open with people and stop trying to MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY. but i have my morels and want to do the right thing. but i dont fucking know what the "right" thing is anymore. ... ...... .......... ....... ...