Mood: repentive/lousy Listening to: some infomercial It's amazing how certain things can bring back memories and make you feel like you're reliving the whole thing over again. I found out we ARENT going to church in Bakersfield. my mom got it wrong. I talked to Neil for what seemed like forever.... I told him we're gonna be regulars at kern christian and he got all excited and said after a little while of going there i can be in the worship group.. but have to make sure my priorities are straight. i said there's one problem about going to that church..and that's because will. i have to forgive will. how can i expect to be forgivin when i cant forgive him? and i cant find it in my heart yet. neil doesnt know what happend but what he said hit the spot. i started cring on the phone becasue it does bring pain to look at will and remember how hurt i was.. you learn something everyday....and im going tomorrow no matter what. i cant let will get in the way of what is right. i want time, but i have none. i want alot of things, but i cant have them. i want to forgive him but i cant. and i say i cant and it reinforces the thought that i need time. time to forgive him. time that i dont have because it's tomorrow. i'm going in circles. i have the time from now till 8:30am tomorrow to think. so i should use this time because ..it's all i have.