i talked to jim tonight. it was really nice.. but some things he says really bother me because i dont know what his motives are. i dont like talking about the past and how i felt becasue it brings back memories.. the more i think about ..the more it saddens me.. and i dont want him to know how i feel..just yet.. so when we talk about "back then" ..i have to talk about it..because..if i didnt ..he would want to know what the problem is. then i'd have to say HOW I REALLY feel..and liek i said..i dont want to say anything about that yet.. so...i have to bear it. but it was nice..to hear how he felt i said "i dont think you really know..how much i felt for you. and i never knew what you were really thinking."..i told him i really did love him..and then ...we talked about that whole deal for a while.. when he wants to know about how i feel and if i still love him...it makes me wonder why he really wants to know. what are his motives? is he curious? does he like me still? I think he's interested in me ..otherwise he wouldnt ask me the things he does.. but then he brings up his girlfriend..and says he loves her..... he'l say something like.. " oh u want me, you still love me har har har" i know im making him sound like an ass..but he really isnt.. i think he's just scared to really tell me his true feelings. he's everything i want right now and for the future ...and he's one of the best people i know i want to know if he really loves his girlfriend ..or if he's just saying that for security.. to hide his true feeling for me.. .. ..... i'm just going to give him time..and not ask him how he feels about me... im going to be patient. let him take the initiative. all these things make me believe it's right...my mom loves him... she said i could date him..even though he's 19, i'v known him forever... i love his family....... and if he doesnt feel the way..i hope he feels.... and i say something...i'll feel like a complete ass. this is so hard. im jsut gonna stop thinking about it. the more i try to write this down...it gets harder to get it out .and then i make it sound confusing..i know what i need to do.... just be patient. Summer Stars - TBS Do you remember the time when you and i were fine hiding under the apple tree there was no one but you and me we would hide from passing cars and we would have the summer stars and we were better then then we'd ever been before you came back to me after walking out my door you would call me on the phone before you even got home without me you said you were all alone the cold wind that blows all the things i used to know how could it play so fast never thought you'd be part of my past would i trade it all again to get you out of my head? cause we were better then then we'd ever been before you came back to me after walking out my door you would call me on the phone before you even got home without me you said you were all alone alone without me by your side you said you were all alone give me one more chance to prove myself to you all the little things that i long to do ...(when you run away) would you trade the course ...(you said that you'd be) so that i could hold you ...(coming out my front porch) would it all go away ...(just to see me) and my heart is breaking would you hear me baby as the tears are longing for what it used to be
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