Dear Diary, I'm going to have a mini pity party for myself. My life sucks, so I deserve it. Tonight, at the drama banquet, I spent three and a half hours watching people get awards. I did not get any. Do you know why? Because I never got the CHANCE to deserve an award. I've missed basically an entire year of high school. Of drama. Of friends. Of EXPERIENCES. I just didn't get to have them. Again, you may ask, why? Well, because I won the lottery. Yup, I won the crappy genes lottery so my life sucks. Isn't that exciting. I got to miss out on lots of fun/interesting experiences so I could sit at home and cry my eyes out for no reason at all. I've gotten to have three horrible years because my head is messed up and no one really knows why. And because of all this wonderful CRAP I've had to go through, you know what I get? Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. Oh, and before the banquet, I had a total breakdown/panic attack. It was like, ten minutes before I was supposed to be at the banquet and my hair was not done and I didn't know how to do it and my make up wasn't on either. So I totally freaked out and started crying. I ended up just leaving my hair down which looked really ugly, so I cried all the way to the banquet. I finally forced myself to stop so I could apply my make up, and two seconds before we got to the Coppermill, I spilled NAIL POLISH on my PROM DRESS. So of course I began crying again. My mom was able to get it off, but I still went to the banquet with a splotchy face and red eyes. I looked so ugly sitting there watching other people get awards. I know it's stupid (but when am I not stupid?) but I wish... that somehow I could know people cared... I mean... all through the trials I've been having, except for a few good friends (and my family), I've gone relatively unnoticed. No one cares about where I was for seven months. What I was doing. HOW I was doing. Sigh. I'm so tired of being Messed Up. I just want to be halfway normal again. I don't want them to keep diagnosing me with this or that. They can't do anything about it except give me pills which don't work. Why can't they just accept that I'm Stupid and leave it at that? Stupid is my new favorite word to describe myself. My brother wants his laptop back. And my computer is crap, so I guess this is it. Love, Lisa Ann