Dear Diary, Life is confusing, especially when people make it more confusing just for the sake of drama. Erg. I emailed my friend who may or may not think I'm selfish, but I haven't got a response yet. I talked to, um... this is really hard not to name names. Um... Okay well I talked to Jeddi about it and he basically told me that Bill probably doesn't REALLY think I'm selfish... probably. And the reason Jeddi told me that was so he could find out how much I cared about Bill? Something extremely stupid like that. I am annoyed, hurt, confused, and tired. Nothing makes sense anymore. I don't understand why Bill and Loren think I'm out to destory Jeremy's life, trying to make him feel guilty all the time or whatever. I swear I have done everything I could to make Jeremy happy. That's all I wanted. But I'm still being blamed for his apparent un-happiness. See, but I don't know ANY of this because no one talks to me. No one tells me, "Gee, Lisa, I think this is going on, or I feel this way about something that happened." It seems to me they're just making assumptions rather finding out from ME what really is going on. This is how Jeddi explained the selfish issue to me. Loren went to my party to "get closer to me" and apparently I "ignored him." Which I translate to mean he wanted to flirt, but I was a little busy running the party and talking to everyone and trying to please everyone, and I didn't talk to him as much as he wanted. So later Loren said that I was selfish and whatnot (although who knows how much he meant it) and Bill "nodded his head to what Loren was saying." So he didn't actually SAY it. Anyway, that's how Jeddi is now explaining to me. Although I don't know why he didn't give me the full story the first time. I cried when he told me that Bill thought I was selfish. I laughed when he told me I didn't flirt with Loren enough. Whatever, boys. Anyway. So I'm still anxiously awaitng a reply from Bill, a response to my accusation that he called me selfish. My gosh, he probably has no idea what I'm talking about... Or he does and then that will be sad. But either way it's gonna be awkward... I hope I can find a way to clean up this mess Jeddi made. I don't know what I'm going to do with that boy. Anyway... yesterday was pretty good. I hung out with Noel and Katie (my cousins) a little bit, and Daniel (my cousin) a lot. It was fun. Daniel and I have found a common bond: the love of Jack Johnson. We drove to Newport with the windows rolled down and singing to Jack Johnson as we cruised along highway 101. It was beautiful. Last night I watched a movie with Daniel, then came home and thought I could watch a movie with Justin and Michael (more cousins). Michael didn't want to watch a movie and basically accused me of being selfish. Given the circumstances, this was the wrong thing to say. So I gathered up cookies, popcorn, soda, and lots of candy, announced that I was having a party by myself, and shut myself in my room. Then I played my music really loud and felt a little better. Today is our last day in Oregon, and I'm sad. We didn't get nearly enough time. After this I'm going to go veg (sp?) on the beach and play in the water and all that good stuff. Fun! Okay, well, life is good even though sometimes there's too much drama. Oh, and thank you Mariah and Morgan for you comments. You guys are amazing and I love you so so much. Love, Lisa Ann