hollow?
Listening to: we must bleed
Feeling: vamped

its hard to get connected because the fear of rejection lingers. call it paranoia... its best not to.. but then again.. when you talk, you cant help feeling hollow. at first, the other person seems so clear to you, but after a while they get blurry. you dont know what you think of them, nor what they think of you, the spark diminishes.

you never know how lonely and pathetic you are until you naively talk about it. once you finish speaking, you cant help exchange glances of akwardness... and my favorite part, the sympathetic smiles...

hours later, when you're trying to fix your pillow case, you stop, and wonder... why sympathy?.... and not compassion???

and there it is... you finally realize that... sometimes, you best keep your daily rituals to yourself.

you dont really care, but you ask for the sake of keeping a comfortable ambience. why? it provokes intelligent and stimulating conversation....

i dont care if barry is pregnant, leave her alone. why do i need to know about a scandal about another state's senator? why should i bother with knowing that a multi-millionaire left her dog with millions of dollars....???

the purpose of living is to search for a greater purpose of continuing one's life... right.

i prefer that to the usual "to be able to maintain a healthy income"... more human i guess?

damaging to hear that... especially when we were hugging. "me dano en el mas profundo parte de mi llema"...i enjoyed that movie... e. why.. why would you say that then, why? be so inconsiderate... how? he didnt fix it, make things better, no. i guess i can't trust him. foolish to believe he was worth the all the confidence i gave him.

words are great. i could barely comprehend how those few words affected my perception of him, the relationship. i dont understand. what? when they're spoken...with true sincerity... amazing.

people are so beautiful when they cry. ive said it before, and i hardly regret to say im gonig to say it again... they're so beautiful...

regardless of the fact that im ripping my veins out and shoving my ears in, that still ocurred. i dont know. i dont understand.

im still a kid. i have to grow. i have to stop writing, and start talking. be more assertive. do i enjoy it? yes... because im feeling, im alive... and no, because im alive. cant help feeling guilty..

well at least my body's forgiven me.. i think? not quite sure, i hope so... if i had the chance, i would beat myself to pulp... i would, i mistreat myself. dont value... value is abolished once he's mentioned, once the hand is raised. hate that. i really do

damn, im sick of writing. i cant paint it, i dont know what it is. something... dont know.. something's compelling me to write it... since i dont know what it is, i cant talk about it...

i guess im afraid im not good enough. thats just it. im not good enough. at least i think so, not sure. damn, im taking my pills.

out

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Entry List
time
the turn
hm
howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
breathing
buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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