i yelled and i was heard; i was so unaware. i blinded myself, so focused on the chemistry in my body that made my right hand numb.

sleep, that's what i would like.

they were right, i've been moving through life on emotional loans. self-medicating the symptoms, somewhat aware of the complexity of the underlying issues. i've sheltered myself in a quilt of denial, it's been so cold.

where do i go from here?

this is the first time i do something for myself in months?

my cells die and i still move. the thought of that gives me goose bumps. why am i stil here?

what am i working towards? i've lost sight of what's important. i feel sick.

i close my eyes and my body wants to collapse but the caffeine in my system won't allow it. i blame the caffeine but i know it's a combination of anxiety and hunger.

i want to search for a little corner and rest. my little corner. can i sleep? this doesn't feel real.

i'm so cold.

what do i do. a question that's more of a statment.

a wooden bat.

what have i done.