anxiety, yes, that's what's been keeping me up. i keep having these dreams of getting to work late or missing a class in the first week of school (if that really happened i'd get dropped from the class).

so rest, i don't know how to.

i took something earlier to help get to sleep but i'm still up... mm.

i feel like an ungrateful brat. i'm okay, my life is fine yet i feel so, i just i'm not satisfied with how everything is going. the choices i've made in the last month have created the waves of change that i believe i need to get me started on being happy.

i think?

i haven't gone running in over a month.

i may have described running before but i'd like to talk about it again.

you can run anywhere, for as long as your mind allows you to and then more. your body, the ache in your legs the and the burning sun/cold winter air don't stop you from moving onward. when i run it's just me and the pavement. i don't hear anything, i'm out. if you're not comfortable with yourself at that time in your life running can either be a great distraction or hell. your mind is doing whatever it can to avoid reflecting on the time duration of the run and the pains that spring up all over your legs. as i run it's just me vs. my skeletons/demons

things were so complicated before.

now that i've made the decisions i'm too scared to run. i'm not ready to face myself. i cannot be alone with my thoughts.

is that it?

i was so ready, what the hell happened?

i don't like december. i don't like january. i don't like this time of the year. mmm. so ungrateful. time to try to sleep. round 2...