a few weeks have passed and i feel better. haha i remember the first time i received a message from him, i almost fainted, luckily someone caught me before i could lose my balance. balance, that's what i'm lacking. anyways, all is well now. things have changed, i thought he could change me.. help me, but now i see that.. haha i've changed as well, i'm not quite the same. there's a suttle difference in me. i'm still pretty polite.. haha. the guy i was dating, he's no more. deleted him from myspace(wow, big deal right.. haha baby-steps!). if he contacts me, i'm just going to warn him.. if he insists, i'll be blunt. no mercy after that. muahahaha tommorow i'm going on a date with a guy that's two years younger than me, he's attractive... hmm. i dont know. i guess i'm hoping something will sprout tommorow. we went out on monday, was trying to hold my hand.. held my hand and expected me to squeeze it back, but i couldn't.. felt wrong to mislead him. i think i wednesday(i have terrible memory) he asked me if i thought it odd for him to ask me out... i said no, it was fine. he asked me out, i warned him. i'm cold, dark, and hard. i'm incredibly afraid of intimacy and i have pretty severe trust issues. i'm polite and nice, however that's not me. what i really am, i haven't discovered yet. i'm not all i appear to be(not saying i'm this big amazing person). i'm hollow. he said he'd be willing to work with that, help me.. etc. such optimism. i'm not saying i'm hopeless, no. i'm not, i'll change. i just need to be the one to begin, he can't do it for me. i'm worried, i think i might be too dry for him. this will be his first date.. ay. can't help but say that... nothing good can come from this hahah maybe i'm just old and bitter i really can't get over the age difference. i've never even dated anyone my age. jeez. ok, overreacting, yes. ok.