revoked
Listening to: prison sex- Tool
Feeling: vamped

well apparently, "he" was the least of my problems...

i got it revoked.. my admission.. because of a mistake that the school made... at least id like to beleive so... :s.

i could die right now, it would be good... at least i wouldn't be a failure. this is really immature and childish... but i just need to act my age right now.

im filled with anguish... i just want to sleep...

this was my biggest fear. i knew it was coming.. i wrote it in one of my entries lol! i knew somehow i wouldn't go.

tommorow i start my summer courses at the local community college... i'm also planning on paying my old school a visit.. i need to at least try to get an "appeal".. something. i dont want to give up. when i read the letter... it just... was... i couldn't believe it... 4.0!!! what the heeell???? what's all this then, eh???

pinche burro!!!! fregado viejo.... por su culpa!!..

tearing the skin to see what's left... starting to sound pretty appealing.... tempting.... i want to die.

as though legs and arms were ripped off my torso... the door... la salida... cerada....

i wanted to die because i had no way out, i was convinced that i was completely helpless... once accepted... all that changed.. i laughed... with security.. confidence.. i guess i got too cocky.

life is weird.

im so angry... i've had a headache.. or pain.. i can't explain it... it's just... i'm so angry... everytime something happened.. i always looked to "it".. and thought... there's my door. i want to die. i'll do anything to feel better.. well.. as long as i don't harm myself..

when i say i want to die.. i don't.. i do.. i'm not quite sure that i don't mean it. life is weird.

hahahaha the irony... amazing....

"this is a test, just think of it this way, once you surmount it you'll be a stronger woman..."

i'm angry.

i just want to call him up and say "ey! let's go camping!".. and up there... just forget everything... and totally lose myself.

mmmm i know, it would be incredibly foolish because i would definately regret it... giving it to him... giving in to him... i'd loathe myself for a loooooong time... and then i'd lose weight... interest... more sleep... nah.

i need an ephemeral solace...

eee my ears haven't popped yet!

i need a fling.. i need a distraction! SOMETHING!

this cannot stay the same... i want to die.

i hate this feeling.

rejuventated that sense of instability

that was, oh so cruel

thanks

hahahah the irony!

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Entry List
time
the turn
hm
howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
breathing
buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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