i see.

i understand things now.

you do realize that i don't think you realize any of this. no. you just, you're so damn oblivious.

she told me that older was better, more mature and all that.

i think older, in this case, means more set in his way. shameless, spineless, don't know what to call it but i know that i don't agree. it does not go with me. this is no compatible with what i am. we don't fit.

 

it happens every time. ha. just what i fucking deserve. all that bull shit negative energy i sent out, boom here we are. thanks. i get it universe, i was a jerk. 

i'm hurt.

you know, as angry as i feel, the tears just are there. the motherfucking tears are there. fucking great. i can already feel it, i'm closing up again. what stupid trouble am i going to get myself into this time.

they just want to have you. all they want is to take and tame. the nickname fits him well. i'm so sad. don't think it's hurt me this much in months. probably because i yeah. so recent too.

i could have my pick. i can choose anyone, anyone. i don't need to resort to cheap tricks to entice. you don't see me. you don't see the person that i am. i know i'm my biggest, well among my biggest critics, yet even i can see that i'm okay. i'm an okay human being. i can't say i don't know how to feel, that would be a lie, i should feel upset and i damn well do. fuck. every fucking time.

i'm not going to hold your hand and say everything's okay. i'm not your damn mother. if you still need that kind of guidance from someone you are too fucking lost. i may not know exactly what i want, but i sure do know i want to be happy, and i know that making the same choices is not going to get me there.

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Entry List
time
the turn
hm
howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
breathing
buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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