Wednesday, 6:38 p.m. Dull pain in my stomach Not at all like butterflies. Is it bad that I'm hurt about what Dan said? I mean, I thought I was over my obnoxious stage, but I guess not? And isn't it funny that he's the one who started the boss/employee joke and now he thinks ... Well anyway. Today was pretty boring. Dan was nice and gave me my negatives, it = good because I didn't have time before school and after school I needed to take Holly home real fast and all that. I hate it when people don't like me. Especially when for the most part I like them. Seriously. Does anyone else think I'm obnoxious? Dan can't be the only one. Let's list my obnoxious qualities, shall we? 1. I'm way hyper 2. I claim to be God (as a joke with Aaron. but i guess it could be seen as obnoxious) 3. I hold on to things too long 4. I'm narcissistic 5. I talk about Scott too much? I don't really care about this one, but surely it can be viewed as obnoxious. 6. I hang out with people who don't really want me to? Do I? Any more, kids? Please, tell me so that I might make myself less of a burden. It's not Dan saying I'm obnoxious that hurts, it's that if one person does, there must be more. Oh I wish I didn't feel like poo. Back down memory lane I'm forced...all my happy memories mixed in with my feelings of torment after I've figured everything out. As a little girl I went to Katie P.'s house every weekend with Mandy M. But whenever Mandy and I were alone, Mandy would always backtalk Katie but whenever Katie was with us I felt so not included. One day I realized "Wait a minute." Because if Mandy talked bad about Katie behind her back, she probably talked about me behind -my- back. And I just started distancing myself from them and not wanting to go over to Katie P.'s house and if I did, I'd go in her room and read her bailey kids books so I wouldn't have to watch them have fun without me. I've never been -best friends- with anyone the way Katie and Mandy were. At school I had friends but they all already had best friends and I was hanging out with the boys. I had Jessie...but sometimes I didn't really like Jessie. She was annoying and her idea of fun was fart noises and burping. I was a little jealous that I couldn't burp on demand like she could, but mostly after a while it was really stupid. And I thought if sometimes I only hung out with Jessie because I didn't want to make her feel bad by not playing with her, were there other people who only played with me because they felt bad for me? I went through this little transitional stage in 3rd grade maybe. But I was still sad that I didn't have a friendship like Mandy's and Katie's. Kajsa and I didn't get along very well at all, and Mandy's mommy and daddy went places with Katie's mommy and daddy and they got to go to Disneyland together. I never got to go to Disneyland with people who I knew very well besides my family... Everyone, it seems has a list in here of their friends and their basic personality traits except ME! Oh darn. Is it just me or am I a tagalong with no real friends anymore? My closest friends in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade and I drifted apart by the middle of freshman year because we didn't really have many of the same interests. Except Holly, Aubrey, and Sara...Aubrey and I got in a lot of fights in 8th grade and in our Freshman year she was seriously almost the best friend I had. Holly annoyed me freshman year because all the guys wanted her and she was this popular princess and I was just the tagalong there. I hate being a tagalong. I want to be accepted by my friends, not looked at as a tagalong. Am I really that annoying? So basically I had Aubrey and Sara left by the end of freshman year. And over the summer it was Sara who I communicated with, because she had instant messenger and we could keep up to date and all that. And by the beginning of this year, Aubrey was just...out there. Her parents' divorce screwed her over royally. And that "eats monkeys" if you will, allow a saying I used in 8th grade instead of "sucks." So it was Sara who was my locker partner. Sara whose house I slept over the night before Homecoming when I was up until 3 because I was so nervous and I didn't want to really go anymore. The only reason I really wanted to go to Homecoming in the first place was because I bought a really pretty dress over the summer. And I hate being hated.