why is it that you never realize what you have until it's gone? or... in this case, i never realized how i felt. and now it's over. ......it was those freaking last few moments, those precious, precious moments... and i finally got the nice guy i'd always wanted. no drama. no over-reacting. just... the great guy i knew was there all along. and the only thing that i can think now is that i let him get away.... and the worst part is... we're still living a lie. we're still saying later. but there's never going to be a later. because it won't be long until he leaves... and before we know it... he'll just be another face in the crowd... i'll be just another picture on the wall..... and i can't help but feel so utterly alone. so lost. so like i gave up on the only dream i had. why does everything have to be so complicated????? ...it's just life as life is... damn. on another note... this week has been really lazy... and relaxing. yay. did hardly anything but sit on the computer and play guitar. ironically haven't touched my keyboard... i made cookies. a LOT of them too, but i was stressed, so it's not like you can blame me. i've cooked seven meals in the past two days. i didn't eat any of them. i did every scrap of laundry in my house. i dusted. i scrubbed the dirt out of the grooves of every door. and i still feel like i've been lazy all week. hmph. well, i'm off to play poer with the guys... was gonna go to jess's but we put a raincheck ont hat. and tomorrow, church! sadly, for the first time in 3 or 4 weeks. but i'm excited cuz i finally get to go again tomorrow. yay. and.... 8 days, 13 hours, and 2 minutes from now, CAMP STARTS! YEAH!!!!! ...speaking of camp... i hear britto's going. if you read this, KUDOS! can't wait. well....... i'm off. later daze! random quote: All men just want to love...... all women just want to be loved... Sabe or maybe Cora i'm not sure right now...