well, today was cool. got up and went to church, went to applebee's, came home and finished my book and talked to leah, everyone came and swam for youth, then went to jessica's w/ chris and had a fun time... and now i'm here. *sigh* i always love going places with chris... and i love her new jeep! ^_^ yup, laredo is the bomb... well, i've been thinking a lot today, about a lot of stuff, which is cool. it's so sad though... usually when i think, and i come up with something, i tell it to jacob. and now when i see him, it's like there's a 2-foot-thick brick wall in between us..... and i'm hating it. i really really HATE IT. with a passion. it just..... GRR! i didn't do anything... why'd he have to take it the wrong way and blow up? WHY?! I HATE THIS! i miss talking to him so much... just, talking to him. just sitting there having a conversation with him. i'll never forget last may... it was storming so bad, everyone was stuck at my house, the power was out, the whole house was candle-lit... and everyone was in the basement, except us... and we sat there on the couch for hours... and he was just playing away at his guitar... and we just talked and talked... about nothing, about everything... *sigh* if i could go back in time, before this whole thing started... *sigh* i'd do it all different... all of it. maybe... maybe it would have been better if i never sat down to play that game... never let him lean over my shoulder to read that card... or maybe, maybe i never should have called leah that day, and told her to come to the mall... maybe....... but that's all it's ever going to be. maybe. and it's eating me up inside... Stranger than your sympathy This is my apology I'm killing myself from the inside out And all my fears have pushed you out I wish for things that I don't need All I wanted And what I chase won't set me free All I wanted And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah Everything's all wrong yeah Where the hell did I think I was Stranger than your sympathy I take these things so I don't feel I'm killing myself from the inside out Now my head's been filled with doubt It's hard to lead the life you choose All I wanted When all your luck's run out on you All I wanted You can't see when all your dreams are coming true Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah You choke on the regrets yeah Who the hell did I think I was Stranger than your sympathy All these thoughts you stole from me I'm not sure where I belong Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong And I wasn't all the things I tried to make believe I was And I wouldn't be the one to kneel Before the dreams I wanted And all the talk and all the lies Were all the empty things disguised as me Yeah... Stranger than your sympathy Stranger than your sympathy