you know it will always just be me. coming off of an amazing eighth grade retreat, i really don't know what to say. i was so caught up in knowing who i was, what and who i liked and didn't. and now it's all different. i know this: i'm confused. but i dont know: why im confused i know: why my head hurts but i dont know: how it happened.well, i know i hit it on stairs i know: i believe in God but i dont know: where i am in my faith journey i know: i want to get to know Chris and Nick better but i dont know: if there are any more feelings there. I know: i want to sleep but i dont know: why i dont I guess i was flirting with Chris all weekend..well,. i mean we do have a kid together(legoman...aka Thor Garlique Rykken) buuut..me and Charisse got him to believe that someone kidnapped Thor and took him and wanted a ransom of a Snickers bar and for me and Chris to sing a backstreet boys song at skitnite last nite. we sang journey instead adn nick got us Thor back, only after being pressed up against a wall by Kevin.I think Chris is mad at me though. =[ whoops. now i feel bad. i guess this week...well for the past two weeks i guess i have had a crush on him i guess...but now... I think i like Nick. he's so quiet and mysterious. i dont know. theres just so many things to be cautious about. I really wanna do TIM team next year. I dont know if i still like zach. i dont know. i feel badd its amazing how wonderful i feel and yet so tired...oh so tired after a weekend with seventyfive kids and eighteen SALT and TIM teamers... Breathe This is the air i breathe, this is the air i breathe Your holy presence living in me. this is my daily bread this is my daily bread Your very word spoken to me and i-i'm desperate for You and i-i'm lost without You. im going to admit that i get really agry at madi for one thing or another at random times, adn i mean not all of the time is it her fault. but at WAPO all the eighth graders got letters from their parents and i got one as well, being as it WAS my first WAPO trip. I feel so blessed. anyways. so we went to a candlelight service and all the kids got to read their letters and everyone was crying and moved and it just made me realized how much i take her for granted and it's not really fair for her or me. She looks up to me and not only is it now evident to me but to everyone around us. ♥ annnnddd. on thursday, mister errot, or albert, as i like to say, told us that the A knowledge bowl team [Grant, Brad, Angie, Mike, Garret, and Isaac i think] is seventh in the state i think, that or seventh in the region, either way, i dont care. they're so brainy. and then he told us the C team, or JV A as i prefer to be called, has a great possibility of making it to subregions, which should be amazing for us [Joe, Peter, Noah, Lianne Sara and me]Buuuuutt that puts tremendous pressure on us to do good at our meet on tuesday. not that we wont do good, its just...stressful. ugh. whatever. wednesday! is French day at the zooo. im sooo excited. its just going to be amazing.