this isn't going to be an note its going to be a letter, because "A note is an update or entertainment. A letter is giving a part of your life- an insight to your life beyond mere observations."-Boy Meets Boy I can't decide how i feel right now. Im too mixed up to be able to think straight. but i am straight i know that. Though somehow im thinking if i were a boy, i'd be gay. strange, i know, So anyways, but back to the confused thing. i definately hate Susie[my uncle's girlfriend with whom he has three kids], i guess she has been ;laundering money from his construction company. and that really makes me mad. we all had our suspicions as to whether she was doing drugs or not but...that's over. it was just a hernia. and im having a very difficult time believing shes not. I dont know its just...sthey're so screwed up. but by whose standards? mine. they probably think they're normal. whatev. i dotn care. its not my money. why am i letting this affect me? im not quite sure, but it had to land on a bad day. yesterday was terrible. i woke up late and didn't pray in the morning, this is what i blame my bad day on. my lack of responsibility towards God. its no ones fault but my own. anyways on to more important matters.my mom decides that on yesterday, the worst day of my entire two thousand and six, she needs to quit her job. sounds pretty minor, but for someone who lives off her moms income, its pretty climactic. i dont know. now how am i going to be able to do anything? aaugh. oh, well im sure if i pray about it it will get better. Hawk Nelson plays tomorrow and im not going to their concert. its the first since i've heard of them and they've been in minnesota that i havent gone and seen them. So that was yesterday... This is today. I finished a wonderous book today called boy meets boy, by david levithan. its excellent i started it last nite thinking oh, its just another stupid book. but it had me enveloped in it. i couldnt put it down. i wanted to be Paul I wanted to feel his feelings, think his thoughts. to be so deep of a person woulkd be unthinkable.to actually know who you are at the age of four? its madness i wish i was so rooted in myself. I need to feel as though I know myself. I walk around confident but all you see is innocent. I wish i had some intellect. to save me from my consequence and i dont know where im going and i dont know where im coming from but i do know where the question comes from that i long to know the anwser for. I'm lost when you're standing right beside me. and i dont know where to go. my familys right behind me for letting go, im too far away to snap my legs in half the unicorns make sense inside me whilst the Nazis are riding past and the innocent start flying fast. and no one hears the things i do or perhaps its true, we're all the same. i cant run away and hide or let you fade away in vain. i feel the need to save you, protect you from yourself. or is it me? it's me. that needs the safety net. i need your arms around me to tuck me in at night. i need your hands to hold me to make me feel alrite please be my hopes, my dreams. my everything and make it seem alrite.