ok, so no one has ever accused me of being miss school spirit, but even i intended to do my senior year right. my original plan was to do it up big time, go to homecoming, participate in fund raisers, go to prom, walk proudly across the stage. i went to Metro for three years. it was a small school so i knew almost everyone, and i certainly knew every one in my class. i was even friends with most of them. everyone knew me, i was popular, i practically ran the drama club, always writing and acting, i was involved in so many other things there....but then i slipped up. i fucked myself over with my grades and got kicked out. now, in my senior year, i'm going to a different school. i know a few people, but i have absolutely no connection to them. i haven't been with this class to experience high school with them for the past four years. i'm trying to get myself involved in a few things to keep me sane, but i really don't like this school. its not challenging, its not interesting, its awful. but i was coping. but then something like today happens. it was a senior meeting. seems like no big deal, but i've been avoiding them thusfar for the simple reason that it reminds me of how much NOT apart of this i am. jostens came to talk to us about purchasing our caps and gowns....invitations....memory books...."bling bling" tassels.... heh.... and then we talked about senior dues, including stuff like prom, senior luncheon, graduation... and i realized that non of this will or can mean anything to me. all of this stuff is geared towards remembering the good times you've had with these people for the past FOUR years. i haven't been there. this isn't my class, this isn't my school...as much as i love it, none of these memories can be mine, because i'm simply not a part of them. i came to this realization awhile ago, but this was the first time i was faced with how that affects me. we are told we have to pay this large sum of money for all this stuff....that isn't gonna mean squat to me. so i asked...what if you don't plan on attending prom, the luncheon...or even walk across the stage. i'd love to do that, because its the classic high school thing, everyone does it...but in a line of strangers...whats it going to mean? this question was met with shock and derision. you don't wanna do WHAT?? oh my god. and then everyone starts getting pissed on me because of course, mean not belonging is me hating on their school. whatever. so i felt rotten enough. but then i went to Studio X, the literary magazine, and we were working on putting the issue together, and i felt comfortable again. here i am in a small group of people with shared interests, being smart, being literary, and i was doing something functional. so i was ok, for a little bit. but then as i'm waiting to leave, i was saying goodbye to some chick in my class, and she's like, blah blah blah you aren't even going to participate in this blah blah. and i'm like...well there really isn't any point, i went to another school for the past three years. so she tells me that its my fault because i left there. at this point, i'm like....no....no it wasn't. i was kicked out, i never wanted to leave. and so she says that its not their fault blah blah, and i shouldn't be hating on this school and all that, and i tried to explain that that wasn't what i was doing at all.... i just...didn't see the point, and i wished i wasn't at this school for my own reasons, i don't begrudge theres at all. so she said, well why don't you just leave than. ah, if only it were that simple. it was like a knife to the heart. seriously. i am so used to being popular, i am used to being enough in the know to have some sort of charge and responsibility, and then to be attacked by people that are totally misconstruing my actions, rather than me "hating" on them, i'm jealous! they get to do this their way, the normal way, and i'm left stuck between these two places, niether of which i belong anymore. it hurts. i'll live. its just high school, but its the here and now as well, and it stings everytime i think about what i don't have. * * * what a suprise.
Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The
Wronged. "'ve come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me." The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love. As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
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