grrrr... being friends with eliz is so detrimental to my ego. so the kid that we've both been talking to for the last couple of days, who i have had a big crush on, just decided to reveal to me how he has a big ol' stupid crush on her. but he still thinks i'm great. yeah. not great enough. fuck that. i'm not suprised, it was only a matter of time. they always have a crush on her, and they always want to tell me about it. and the city museum guy, who i've had a thing for for such a long time, is totally in to her, and only includes me in compliments so as not to really really really blatantly hit on her. god, i'm so disgusted with myself. my appearence lately has made me want to cover all of my mirrors. my sanity lately has been so on the fritz. my personality doesn't even satisfy me these days. the only thing that makes me feel like i can redeem myself is my capacity to create. photo, ceramics, writing... these are the things that give me some feeling of worth. some reason to continue.