ok. so i'm seriously freaking out about this andy dealie. i don't wanna feel this way. i'm so confused about how i feel. all i know is that its really really really WRONG. no. it just. agha.dfkjal. i'm not even really attracted to him, he still kinda repulses me. but intrigues me? ugh. part of me is so curious. to see if this is just a wierd ass side effect of something else, or if its rooted in something real. the constant fantasies that invade my concious are really really UNSETTLING. good. god. what. the. fuck. this is so wierd. i just hope something stupid doesn't come out of this. i like him. yet i really don't. and this is just really freaking me out. i didn't need this on top of everything else. *** i hope eliz doesn't get committed. i really love that kid. i want her to be alright.