i really don't update much anymore. so much goes on. so much has transpired. hard to keep up. hard to relive. my life is a ridiculous unbalance of agony and ecstasy. and not all by my hand. out of balance. out of time. spinning. too much. things keep getting fucked up. i am losing sense of self. of worth. of direction. i need something. someone. to ground me. be my kite string?