holding you to standards of my own devising is foolish and juveilile I know it. but it still makes me feel vacant when I realize you are my only confidant my fellow musketeer. after a night of laughing and jokes and smiles so big they hurt I can still retreat to a bitter shell because I realize you don’t get it.. you look so bright in comparison to the unattractive alternative. I have a love/hate relationship with lonliness. please, this once acknowledge the fact that i’m always behind you. let me know that you realize i’d never let you see my doubts. i’ve tired myself of blind faith when all I get in return is what you see as good natured ridicule. its exhausting. and even when I ready myself with foil and armor you’ll cast it aside with a hurt look and an incredulous comment. vindictive barbs thrown back at you fall flat. because I can resent you and need you with all my heart in the same breath. in some ways its just convienence but I know theres something more because of the way it hurts when you don’t rise to my standards.