for the longest time, i've held to one belief. or rather non-believe. i don't believe in regret. sure the feeling is kind of unavoidable, i mean, thats where learning from your mistakes comes in. but i don't believe in dwelling on it. "what if" is the stupidest question you can ever ask yourself when thinking about the past. if you honestly could go back and change something in your past, it would change everything that occured after that. everything would be affected, and somehow changed. so i don't like indulging that notion. right now, things aren't that bad, but i don't like the way all the different aspects in my life are going. right now, for the first time in my life, i want nothing more than to be able to go a couple months back and make some different choices. sure, some great things have happened, but nothing so wonderful and unique that i'd be devastated if things happened differently. i want a do over. i want a roll again. i don't like this. and i dont like indulging this either. it scares me. NEVER before has it seemed like a good idea. never before have i felt that i couldn't right the path from where i was standing. i just don't know.