just another annoying day at school. dev and i are growing more and more apart and its so sad. he doesnt even notice me anymore. its like i blend into the surroundings. i put him before pratically everything and then he treats me like crap. i jus wish we didnt break up. he didnt even give US as a couple a chance to maybe make things better. and what i need to learn to stop doing is let him make all of the decisions. all i said during the whole breka up was "w.e you want" and it shouldnt be that way. but the way it was is that i couldnt make him suffer with me, it seemed like, so i kinda had to let him make the decision. considering im still sitting here in awe and wanting him back so badly. i just wish he really knew how i felt. and i want to know how he feels. i mean yea, he cried, but like now hes fine. flirting with other girls and stuff. and i even asked him last night if he was using me..like just to have someone to kiss and stuff. i just didnt want it to be that way. if he wants to be a friend, yea lets me friends, not friends with benifits. that's Ericfs job :P. i love you man..miss ya.. any way..i ask him questions everyday and he always gets mad. sry, but all i kno is that you broke up with me. i hardly any know any of your feelings cuz you called me and it was like a 5 min phone convo and your phone died.. sry.. talking as if it was him : / ... everyday my life seems to get harder. with school, friends and relationships. i just want to be able to hug you and have an amazing friend who i can trust and just have fun with. everyone keeps telling me im too young, but its like your never to young to fall in love and get hurt. you were a little kid and fell in love with your favorite stuffed animal and then if it was taken away, you were hurt. same thing but with a more serious and mature problem. maybe devin isnt the one for me, maybe we shouldnt have gone out. i dont know. i took a chance at my first realationship and it killed me. i wish you were still mine... come back please...please? well.. me dana and steph had an interesting convo about boys today. how their feelings are all in their balls and all they care about it how far they can get with a girl.. or partner.. haha. but its serious and i wish they had more feelings. yea dev cried, but now hes ok. he could careless about me now. its like he hates me now. and wtf did i do to him? all i did was love him!!! wtf is wrong with that? everyone wants love. but now i sit alone staring at our pictures, hold my favorite teddy bear given to me on the most romantic day of the year. im surrounded by his stuffed animals and memories flash in my mind. tears are brought to my eyes as i pray to God that something good would come out of this. everyday in school is so hard to see him be with other girls and it annoys the hell outta me that i cant say anything to him. i try and not get mad but its jus a girlfriend thing, considering we did go out for 10 months.. broken in two.. Rach