it is almost 3 in the morning, i cant sleep i just keep getting these flashbacks of how horrible my life is and it just makes me cry. i just want my life back. i want to be happy agian. is that so much to ask. to be happy. my life is just shit, when is it going to get better??please be soon. i just want to smile again and not have to fake it. i was happy, why cant i be agian? i just want a d i f f e r e n t ending to the sameoldstory :(If i die, would you cry? Or would you sigh and say goodbye? Im all alone it this world, but i would give anything and everything to be with you...i cant handle this anymore. my mind is just spinning off anywhere. i just want all this pain to end. happiness just seems like a foreign word to me. i feel like, no i dont feel i cant. i want too but i cant i am just block by all this pain. why? i feel like nothing,empty and gone. but i am still here. waiting for my life to turn around.hoping it will. the image of me being happy is just dieing away with every breath i take. i look at other people and they laugh and the look so genuwinely happy and i am jealous because thats what i want to feel more then anything in this world. i can fake being happy all i want but its just not the same and i try to be GENUWINELY HAPPY BUT IT NEVER WORKS...ugh i think i am just gonna go lie in bed for awhile maybe i will sleep and dream of something good..the dreams are what keep me alive