The last few days have been okay. I'm down but I have been down for weeks so no new news. I downloaded all of Damien Rice's stuff which isn't entirely a good idea because he's so depressing. School starts back soon and I didn't think this would happen but I can't wait. When I'm there I don't have to deal with all this family crap and wondering when and why someone is going to get upset with me. I'm working on not caring about what they think but it's not so easy turning away from something my mom would want me to do. It's funny how that works. When she was alive I wouldn't have even considered taking all that I take but now there are all these expectations and I'm not living up to them but I'm trying and it's killing me. I spend the majority of my day busting my ass doing what I think they want but then it's not what they want at all. And bitching and moaning about it doesn’t help. I need to stop this cycle of never-ending criticism and self-loathing. I will. Sometime. I am desperately lonely today. Well, most days. I’m not open to finding love. That’s why it hasn’t found me. I’m scared of devoting myself to someone. Scared of all the typical crap and while I know I shouldn’t be and it’s ignorant to spend my life alone if I don’t have to, I can’t stop myself from putting up these walls. I just need to relocate, both mind and body. My college graduation couldn’t come any sooner.